From the Mind of MandoRon

In The Restaurant at the End of the Universe (book 2 of Douglas Adams’ The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy series), readers are introduced to the Total Perspective Vortex - a torture device that shows people just how insignificant they are.  Most people learn that they are really just an infinitesimal speck in an infinitely big universe.  Interestingly, when Zaphod Beeblebrox enters the device, it informs him that he’s the most important thing in the universe.

I’m not quite sure why, but I was wondering yesterday what it would be like if the world revolved around me.  (Figuratively, more than literally…  I’m not arguing with Copernicus’ theory that the earth revolves around the sun…)

Be honest… there would be a lot of advantages to having the world revolve around you.  Think about it!

• You would never get stuck at a red light.  The traffic light would always be green!  And no traffic jams either.
• You would never be late for anything - movies, tv shows, concerts, kids’ soccer games, etc…  They would always wait for you to arrive.
• You would always be in fashion since the rest of the world would copy what you wear.
• Your mechanic would have your car ready the same day that you dropped it off.  And you’d get a loaner Corvette to drive to work.
• You can always find a good parking spot.  In fact, any place that you visit frequently will likely give you a reserved spot with your name on it.
• Your watch would would always have the correct time.  The atomic clocks in Greenwich would adjust to you.
• Everyone in the band would tune to your instrument.  Even the piano!
• And I’m sure there are many more…

I was thinking of making this a two-part series; part two would cover the potential disadvantages.  But after thinking about it, I realized… THERE ARE NONE!

So here’s where you get to chime in.  What am I missing?  What other advantages would there be to being the center of the universe?

This entry was posted on Wednesday, April 28th, 2010 at 5:51 am and is filed under Humor. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.